3.6 Growing up and growing apart

 

My New Years' Eve Was A Wonderful Rollercoaster.

I only have a few memorable days in my life that I can give an actual date for, one of them was December 31, 2016. It may seem obvious that I would remember a holiday famous for making memorable moments but this particular one marked a big turning point in my life, it was the day I ended a four-year relationship. Now, it was not due to any big dramatic revelation or an overblown argument sparked by one too many drinks. The breakup itself actually took place in the morning and was the cultivation of months of tension and unhappiness. 

I had met my now ex, Micheal in 2012 through a mutual friend, we hit it off and seemed to be completely in sync. Even when things got serious, we seemed totally compatible, we rarely fought or disagreed on what we wanted from life, it was perfect. What I didn't realize at the time was that we were both still discovering what we wanted and that each of our paths to growing up would eventually drive us apart.

Fork In the Road

By my 23rd birthday, it had become obvious that we were no longer in sync like we were when we were 19. Even if we ignored our political differences or the fact that we couldn't agree on where to live, there was one big roadblock that neither of us was willing to budge on. Where we going to have kids or not? When we met, we were in agreement that the answer was a firm 'no' but he changed his mind, and I did not. 

I considered going along with it and limiting it to one child for the sake of the relationship, but I knew in the back of my mind that it was a terrible idea for us and the theoretical child. We were both raised with broken up parents and knew the hardships, and knew how real of a possibility it was. So, after months of waiting to see if we could work things out or if he would be happy being childless, I eventually realized that I wasn't doing either of us any favors. 

A necessary pain

The night of December 30th, I had a sort of epiphany, between the upcoming holiday paired with months of unhappiness I finally told myself "I can't do this anymore, I'm unhappy, and I can't do this for another year." So, the next morning I bit the bullet, there was no point in delaying what we both knew was inevitable. After two hours of talking and tears, I walked out of his front door for the last time. 

If it had been any other day, I may have gone home and stayed there, but I was 23 and it was New Year's Eve, and I wasn't going say goodbye to 2016 by sulking alone. Not knowing what else to do, I went straight to my best friend Sarahs' apartment and asked if I could hang out for a while, and told her the news, given how well she knew me she did not seem to be surprised. Yet, true to her character, she was adamant that I stay and watch Netflix with her until it was time for her dinner with our mutual friend, Adrienne. Despite a part of me only wanted to crawl into bed and never come back out, I couldn't say no to them and their pleas. 

"We have a reservation, just come with us. I'm sure they won't mind!" explained Sarah.

Good Friends Make Everything Better

One wonderful meal of shrimp fettuccine later and my mood was already starting to improve, in no small part due to the great company I had with dinner and the message I received during. My old friend Jake was in the area for the holiday and wanted me to join him and his group at a bar near our hometown. He had moved out of state for work and I rarely saw him anymore, so with some urging from Sarah and Adrienne, I agreed. 

Around 8p.m I was getting a big hug hello from Jake and when I told him why I had to limit my intake for the evening, he understood, even joked about "helping me find a new man." The rest of the night was pretty tame by the standards of New Year's Eve, but between the hugs and the laughs, I managed to welcome 2017 with open arms and a big smile. 

I knew I did the right thing for us both that day and looking back, I'm grateful I had such wonderful people in my life for helping me turn what should be a painful memory into one of joy and new beginnings. It's been almost four full years since that day and although the weeks following were far from easy, I don't regret a thing.