3.6 I Made That!

 On January 29, 2015, something happened that forever changed my life. My son was born. I had just freshly turned 18 and will never forget that day. A mixture of emotions washed over me, but as I looked down into that newborn's eyes all I could feel was pure pride as I thought, "I made that." Having a kid so young and before I was ready was scary for me. Doubts crept into my mind about if I could handle being a mother, if I would even be a good mother, or if I would turn out like all of the other stereotypical teen moms. However, doubts aside, nothing compares to the overwhelming feelings that consumed me when the child who was growing in my belly for nine months became a physical, precious baby that I could hold in my arms.

1 AM rolled around and I could not stop tossing and turning. There was a faint cramping feeling in my stomach that persisted through the night. A couple hours rolled by and the cramps became more frequent and regular in timing. My heart fluttered with mixed emotions because that meant that I would possibly get to hold the child that had been forming in my womb for nine months. I thought about what he would look like, what he would feel like in my arms, and what kind of personality he would take on. Thinking of all these things excited me. Then I thought about the sleepless nights to come, the countless hours of changing diapers and caring for him, my being responsible for his future wellbeing, as well as, the physical act of birthing him. All of these things terrified me and worried me. 

The cramping seemed to last long enough, persistently, that we packed up our things and headed to the hospital to see how things were going. On the drive to the hospital, I was a nervous wreck and called my mom to see if she could meet us there. She gave birth to four of us so she was quite well-versed in this sort of thing. Her being there helped to ease my anxieties and everything went smoothly. 

I was periodically checked to see how dilated I was. Dilation is a measurement taken by the nurses and doctors to see how close to delivery you are in the labor process. The epidural had been administered and I was fully dilated, go time. At this point, I was extremely nervous and equally excited. No more wondering if he had blue eyes or brown, if I could handle the midnight feedings, or what the birthing process would be like. This was the moment that I would be able to physically hold him in my arms and put my best mom skills to the test. 

The doctor hooked me up to a machine that showed when I was contracting. Thankfully, the epidural did the job it was created to do and I could feel absolutely nothing. A contraction lit up the screen, the doctor told me to push, and my heart raced with anticipation. A few pushes later and he was out. The idea of him wasn't an idea anymore. My eyes welled up with tears and my heart experienced a warmth that it had never previously experienced before. He was real, he was in this room, and he was all that I hoped for and more.  I could physically hold him now and see his cute little face. All of the waiting was worth every second spent wondering, doubting, and preparing for this lovely child's arrival. Quintin was here now, all was well.